Monday, July 28, 2008
Depressed....alot...
2dae 28 july , mondae......
i feel very sad again.............
my mother juz banned me frm gg 2 any cf until my CT is over..........
i will have 2 skip beatty cf den......
i feel very depressed rite now..........
my mum reminded me tt if i dun do well 4 my CT den..........
i....shall have 2 quit scouts...........
i am very sad rite now...........
hu does my mum think she is..........
expects me 2 get gd results........
how 2 get.........
spent my entire sec 1 yr at the hospital..........
everyday aft sch went 2 the hospital 2 visit her.....
rushed out all hmwk at nite.....
copied hmwk if could not finish......
foundation was totally gone.........
nowadays.... i hardly hve fun nemore......
scouts is the only place where i can b myself......
u guys noe me as a very ez gg person.......
luv 2 hve fun...joke around....swear alot......
but....... i am very depressed in my heart......
my mum juz wans my grades 2 go bac 2 normal.....
which means A1s ..........
but ......i can't.........
it's lyk my mum wans me 2 run when she taped my mouth and both my nostrils....
leavin only a small slit 2 breathe thru.......
fun is a necessity in my life....
it cums 2 me as naturally as breathin...........
i dun even noe y i was born...........
it's as if i'm livin my mum's dream of becumin a science student.....
but i'm an arts student...........
i understand the deeper meanings in life..... not bout theory and all tt crap.....
i noe how ppl feel lyk cuz i understand dem.......
it's lyk askin elvis preisly 2 do country music.....
cuz it will give him a secure future.......
but he turned 2 rock which made him the king...........
i'm juz lyk elvis..........
but not being a king lah.....
i dun wan 2 suffer thru sch learnin subjects i dun lyk....
juz 2 grow up and do a job i hate................
i rather live my life 2 the fullest.............
and do a job i luv..............
so tt when i'm old i noe tt i hve achieved smth in my life............
i.... juz can't take it anymore.........
all the frustrations r makin me go crazy.............
i...........juz nid a fren...............
i...........juz nid some1 hu understands me............
i dun even noe whether i can continue livin my life...........
i juz feel lyk givin up.....
i dun wanna live ...........
i will try and b strong til aft my CT...........
but i juz dunno if i can b tt strong............
i'm very sad and tears r juz rollin down.......
i...........feel so alone..........in tis big big world.............